Job ≠ Life

I feel this image of Homer Simpson is an appropriate reaction to have whenever I think about what I'm doing with my life. As down in the dumps as I may feel, I do try to remind myself to keep perspective. I could be in my fifties and be where I am right now. I'm sure there are people who have had to start over from scratch and work well past the age of retirement. So at least I've got time on my side, for now.

What really got me thinking about how disappointed I am in myself (both in a career sense and in a personal sense) is a conversation I had with one of the guys who runs Tilt Pinball arcade. I was catching up with them and one of them asked what I was up to these days. I told him, "Oh, I've got a new job. I'm an indexer at an insurance general agency." He replied, "Sounds boring." "Yeah," is all I could say. The thought of my boring job didn't really sink in until later that night when I was over at my friends' place watching them play video games.

Being an indexer at an insurance firm is not what I had in mind for a job. Honestly, I thought I was going to be a writer or cinematographer or a professor of Sociology. I'm at the low end of lower-middle-class, a missed paycheck away from disaster, and up to my eyes in debt.

But it's taken me a long time to get to where I'm at. I'm actually okay with where I'm at. I know that in the past, I've let my job define who I was. I shouldn't do that. I am separate from my job. My job is what I'm doing for now and it won't be forever. My job may be boring, but it's allowing me to sleep in my own apartment, pay my bills, and get on with life. Moreover, the people I work with actually value me and treat me with great respect. Honestly, even though I could be more ambitious, I could be a lot worse off than where I am now.

Is life disappointing? Yes. But it's not going to be like this forever. I can always improve my circumstances as best as I can. I feel like I'm doing that with my job as an indexer.

Here's to surviving, even if it is boring and mediocre.